Say No – Please, No More People Pleasing
Say no is not easy for many people and is – admittedly – totally difficult in some situations. Are you still looking for a good resolution for the new year that has just begun? How about resolving to say no more often when you feel like it – even if it seems uncomfortable exactly at this moment.
There are many opportunities to say no when you really mean no and would only say yes so as not to make yourself unpopular. At work, for example, when you are once again asked if you can take over the presentation. But you’re already full to the brim with work and saying yes would mean working the night shift or weekend shift – yet again. Or when your mother-in-law asks again if you can come over to clean the apartment just because she’s too cheap to hire a cleaner. Or your partner. He has pompously promised to take over the organization of the children’s birthday party. Now he doesn’t want to do it and wants you to take care of it.
These are situations in which you know full well that now is the time to say no. If you have a tendency towards people pleasing, you would say yes just to avoid making yourself unpopular or offending others. But saying yes can also mean lying awake at night and getting angry with yourself because you have once again failed to turn down someone else’s brazen request. If you say “yes, of course I can do it”, but think “actually I don’t want to”, you’re not doing yourself any good.
What characterizes People Pleaser
A people pleaser puts their own needs on the back burner out of an excessive fear of rejection and conflict and constantly strives for harmony at all costs. However, this is not a psychological disorder, but rather a learned behavioral pattern. At least that’s what Wikipedia says.
In order to avoid possible conflicts or confrontations, people pleasers put their own opinion on the back burner (“I’m not sure, what do you think?” or “You’re right.”) or fulfill the wishes of those around them despite their own overload (“Yes, I can do that.”). They satisfy their pronounced need for harmony by making untruthful admissions of guilt (“I’m really sorry. That was my fault.”) or almost pleading for peaceful coexistence (“I don’t want you to be angry with me.”).
Say no to friends
Incidentally, statistically there is not much difference between men and women when it comes to people pleasers.… weiterlesen
CultureAndCream Author from Munich
To travel during my profession as a beauty journalist was never enough for my. Also my six month on a world trip didn’t do it. It always attracts me to other cities, foreign countries, on roadtrips and places I don’t know yet. But I am not only interested in “culture” and “cream”, I am also fascinated by people who have stories to tell . Such unique experiences I want to share with you.